You’re Engaged! Now What?
Photo: Laurie Bailey
Take a deep breath. Repeat as needed.
It’s 2022, and the only wedding rule left carved in stone is this:
“IT’S YOUR WEDDING. NO ONE ELSE’S.”
You would be surprised just how many couples forget that once the glow of saying yes wears off how quickly they come face first with the nuts and bolts of planning their journey down the aisle.
Lots of "things" (ie mothers, money, and hundreds of decisions) will get in your way if you let them overwhelm you.
I'm here to tell you that it doesn't need to be that way, especially when you keep in mind that getting married is a team sport. And the more people that are on your team and the more those lines of communication are kept open, the less chance there is for you or your partner getting overwhelmed.
ONE
Curl up with your significant other and have a few relaxed and honest conversations about each of your wedding expectations. What have you each thought your wedding would be like one day? Don't be cross if one of you never gave it a second thought until you both said yes to one another.
TWO
Don’t expect to figure it all out immediately. The more time you talk about expectations, dreams, and priorities before your parents, siblings, and friends start to weigh in, the fewer misunderstandings you'll have with each other when you're ready to hire a wedding planner and build your professional wedding team.
THREE
Set Expectations. Remember that this is a two-way street and use this time understand what you both want, what you both absolutely must have, and what either of you can live without if it doesn't show up on your wedding day. This exercise is so important and will pay off tremendously down the road.
FOUR
Compromise. Don’t be surprised if different things are more important to one of you than to the other. One concept that will come in handy at this point (and pretty much all the time), is the ability to compromise together to find a way for each of you to have what's personally important without making either one of you feel that you've given up more than the other.
FIVE
Research. You will no doubt read a lot of wedding websites and magazines and start tearing pictures out. You will come across tons of statistics. One thing every magazine and wedding site loves to do is give you price points on everything and many don’t agree! But what they all agree on is that no matter what your budget, the more research you do, the less stress you'll have.
SIX
Meet with some wedding planners. No matter how many friends you speak with, how many weddings you go to, or how many articles you read, you're not going to wake up and know even a half of what you need to know to plan your wedding.
The truth is, you might even be a bit more confused. If you're like most people - and granted, couples getting married do not always think or behave like most people - you've figured out that it's time to call in a wedding pro. You don’t need to commit to hiring a specific wedding planner at this point, but I'm suggesting that you take the time to meet with one or two planners - some of your recently married friends should be happy to connect you with their planners - and have a conversation.
And if a friend doesn't have a recommendation, look online at some of the wedding sites you've been visiting to find a few wedding planners in your area that pique your interest. Before you send an automated email from that site, take the time to visit the planner's website to do some digging around. Look at their galleries, read some of the comments, and read about the planner. Then send a message from the site directly to the planner, or if they've listed their phone, call or send a text.
HOW TO FIND YOUR WEDDING PLANNER
Approach it as you would buying anything big, like a car or house. You've done your research, you know what you like, and now you're ready to kick the tires, hear about the great mileage you'll get, and find out if you can afford that car you love with all the bells and whistles you want.
SPILL THE TEA
This isn't the time to be coy or to exaggerate anything, it's the time to spill your guts, and I mean everything. What scares you, what you're excited about, what your mother wants you to do, and what your mother-in-law wants, what you hate about other weddings, what you can't live without, and especially what you don't know. The more you share, the more you'll learn.
Great wedding planners have all the qualities of a great team leader -- we're non-judgmental, know how to communicate with all sorts of family members, can multi-task without getting stressed out, and we can tell you within the first hour if you're being realistic or not. We'll also know if we're the right planner for you, or if a colleague who might be a better fit for what you're asking for.
You want someone you won't be afraid to tell what's keeping you or your partner up at night, someone who can reduce stress, not add to it.
And speak with a wedding planner before you sign contracts with a wedding venue or your third cousin's event catering company because you'll want your wedding planner to visit that wedding venue, speak with the caterer, and read those wedding contracts to make sure that what you're getting is what you want and that you haven't committed half of your budget without knowing costs for all of the other things you want and need for your wedding.
The very last thing any wedding professional wants is for their clients to have anxiety or unnecessary stress that could easily be avoided with clear lines of communication. Try to remember that planning your wedding should be filled with fun and the whole process will become part of the memories you'll talk and laugh about when you share your wedding stories with your children and friends.
