Wedding Planning Tips to Keep You and Your Mother Sane
From the moment she hears the words “I’m getting married” from you, you should know that your mother has probably been waiting to hear those words since you were a toddler. She’s going to be very excited for you, but you also might want to set some boundaries to ensure that when you walk down the aisle, the tears she is crying are totally out of love and nothing else!!
Here are five things you can do to manage expectations – hers and yours – and keep everyone happy during this wonderful time in your lives!
(Disclaimer, I’m no therapist and I’ve found that for sons and mothers the situation is completely different! This article just focuses on the mother-daughter relationship).
Photo: Next Exit Photography
1. Have the talk about money. These days it’s never certain who pays for what and getting that awkward conversation out of the way in the beginning will help everyone move forward without any residual weirdness.
2. Talk to your mom about the guest list. Most parents will think they know who is on it, or at least who they WANT to be on it. And of course, they want to tell everyone. They are excited, it’s only natural. But ask them to wait for a bit before spreading the news so there are no hurt feelings in the family. No one needs MORE things we can’t talk about around the table than we already have!
3. Don’t take your mother with you on your first trip to the bridal salon. If you're smart, don't even tell them about it until after you're home. I know they love you, but you need to trust me with this: they will have pre-conceived ideas of what you should or shouldn't be wearing before you even walk into the salon. They can't help it because they've known you for your whole life, and when they look at you, they're going to see the 12-year-old you. Really. Instead, if your Wedding Planner doesn't offer to take you, ask an ex, kidding, ask someone who you think has a great sense of style. Then try on as many gowns as you want to, and no one will be whispering in your ear, "Oh honey, you really shouldn't show off your arms, shoulders, neck, ankles, etc., etc.,
4. Talk about what she’s going to wear early on. You don’t want her going rogue on you! But she’s not a bridesmaid, so she should have a very special dress that isn’t the same color or style as them. If fashion is an issue, I suggest having your mother meet with a personal shopper, or a fashion consultant. Or, if you Wedding Planner is a “fashion-ator” like me, you are in luck!
5. Finally, try to arrange a few special mother-daughter lunches before the big day so you can share plans. She has been dreaming of this day and will be such a better friend/mentor/guide for you if she feels part of it. I’d even suggest a special lunch in the beginning stages with you, your mother and you future mother in law.
